theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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