That's when you crack a 10am beer
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
