People with herpes should wear stickers.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
