Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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