Swine flu. Run for my life!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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