That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
