you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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