im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
