All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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