you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
