porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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