my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
