I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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