1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
