Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
