I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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