so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The air taste purple.
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