I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
