And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
