It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
