So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
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You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize