sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.