Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
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she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
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I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.