What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us