census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.