Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
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He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only