you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
