Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Found your dick twin last night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
