Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
