If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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