i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
