Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
