Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize