I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
