Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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