i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
