is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
