How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
whose parrot is this?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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