Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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