Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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