So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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