Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At least life still wants to fuck me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
