i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
