...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
