I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize