i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
