Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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