I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize