Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize