Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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