xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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