great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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