I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
