So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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