Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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