Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't deserve a penis
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
