turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
