I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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