watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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