I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
