Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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