I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
