I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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