i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
