Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you win again, gameday.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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