I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
