I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
