I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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