I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
