Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
