Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
