It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
