I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
