some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
